So maybe you guys already discussed this, but I thought this information from wikipedia.com would be interesting:
"In Japanese, hokku and haiku are traditionally printed in one vertical line (though in handwritten form they may be in any reasonable number of lines). In English, haiku are written in three lines to equate to the three parts of a haiku in Japanese that traditionally consist of five, seven, and then five on (the Japanese count sounds, not syllables; for example, the word "haiku" itself counts as three sounds in Japanese, but two syllables in English, and writing seventeen syllables in English produces a poem that is actually quite a bit longer, with more content, than a haiku in Japanese). The kireji (cutting word or pause) usually comes at the end of either the first or second line. A haiku traditionally contains a kigo (season word) representative of the season in which the poem is set, or a reference to the natural world....Senryu is a similar poetry form that emphasizes irony, satire, humor, and human foibles instead of seasons, and may or may not have kigo or kireji."
Lux, perhaps you would like to write senryu instead of haiku? (Though I loved your haiku! Naked trees stripping...really hot. I want steak. Seriously though--I like how it captured fall and the sensuality of dying/preparing for new life. It's like how new mothers-to-be chop all their hair off because they feel too fat and disgusting to deal with their hair/anticipate how busy they'll be with the new little thing.)
Here's my attempt--don't laugh. I've not written one in ten years. I was going to write about today's rain and dead drowned worms flushed out of the ground, but I just wrote this thinking about what I just wrote above.
I am a big whale.
Stripping naked, I see both
of us swimming free.
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5 comments:
hey chris - your poem is actually pretty great! the first line is funny because it could be an actual whale speaking or a person who thinks they're fat. and then you learn that it's a person who's pregnant, but she's swimming which reinforces the whale idea. anyway, i like it.
Hmm...perhaps I would like to try senryu. I'll have to find out more about it. Thanks!
I like yours. From now on, instead of saying, "ugh, I'm fat", I think I'll just go with, "ugh, I am a big whale."
umm umm umm, Christina is pregnant?
haha I don't think Christina's pregnant. Though I haven't talked to her in a couple days, so who knows?
I too enjoyed the poem! I like the pun on swimming too!!!
I'd learn how to say "I am a big whale" in Japanese but...1) I think whale is too prickly an issue here and 2) don't want to draw attention to being the fattest person in Japan (it's funny cos it's true).
p.s. I thanked Kat for the Japanese lesson...I really meant Christina! Sorry about that! (Kat, still 'preciate the other stuff, hehe)
Not pregnant, just engaged :) LIKE YOU TIFF! Write to us about your engagement story lady!
Pam, why is "whale" an issue? Is it because whale tastes delicious in Japan and the rest of the world is like whoa Moby Dick? Also, you're NOT fat or remotely whale-like. I forgot to tell you that there's a Muji in NYC too.
Thanks y'all for not hating my haiku!!
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